Friday, May 29, 2009

oh camping.

when i was young it meant that i got to stay up past dark

and hang out with my family

for a week or more.

now it means going up after dark,

with a bunch of friends,

and drinking until we puke.

this makes for far more interesting stories,

at the least.

people seem to fall quite a bit when they are running around,


with very little light.

one of my friends is a very big guy,

and he was running around the camp fire,

laughing like a little girl,

when he hit a pile of empty cans,

and went face first into the dirt.

big boys make quite the impact when they hit the ground,

we still wont let him live that one down.

belia had a bag of chips

and was trying to keep them away from the big guy from above,

and she started walking backwards,

hit a log,

a fell backwards.

one step and that girl fell.

funny thing was,

she had just started drinking.

when belia and i bonfire up in the mountains,

we dance,

a lot.

well we always dance,

but its even worse up in the mountains.

belia is a lot smaller than me,

so we seem to think its a great idea

for me to pick her up and dance.

just about every time i either drop her,

or we both fall.

funny thing is,

we never realized that it was a bad idea.

and we still continue to do it.

we all know girls have to pee when we are camping,

its not like we just hold it in.

well just about every girl that we go camping with

has been so drunk

tat when they are peeing,

they just fall right over,

now let me tell you,

that can be quite the mess.

that was a lot of mumbo jumbo in one blog.

but camping can be a dangerous thing.

and there is just so much to cover.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

intoxication urination part two.

well i cant just pick on the boys.

i have to tell some stories about the girls too.

i definitely have to leave the names completely out of these ones.

because they WILL kill me.

we were throwing a party for a friend of ours that just came back from the marines.

and everyone was beyond drunk.

it was time to leave and i found my friend passed out in the owners parents bed.

when i finally got her up she admitted something pretty weird.

that she had peed on the floor,

right next to the bed.

and i checked,

she had!

another time i lived with a bunch of roommates.

there was one roommate who wasn't well liked.

we were having a big party and he was pissing everybody off.

so two girls,

went into his room,

locked the door,

and peed in the corner of his room.

messed up,

i know!

i remember one time we were having a girls night.

and between five girls we went through a bunch of bitch beer

and a half gallon of vodka.

i remember being inside and walking into the kitchen.

and their was our friend peeing on the kitchen floor!

ok so one more and i will call it good.

my girls and i were plannin a big party while my grandparents were out of town.

so the friday right before we all stayed at the house

and basically got it party ready.

we drank way too much but continued cleaning.

then we found one of our friends,

standing on the counter,

reaching into the dishwasher,

pulling out dishes,

and putting them away,


later we caught her peeing on the kitchen floor,

but dont worry,

she cleaned it up.

by scooting around in it.

im surrounded by idiots!!

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

intoxication urination.

i have a couple stories for you that are hilarious,

a little gross but that cant be helped.

have you ever notice how drunk people see to have issues controlling their bladder?

a few of my guy friends seem to sleep walk while they are drunk,

and well pee in places that just aren't bathrooms.

when i was a younger i had a party while my dad was out of town.

everyone just passed out on the couches and floor,

and basically wherever there was space.

in the middle of the night we woke up

because a friend was getting up.

he then walked into my kitchen,

and began peeing on my kitchen counter.

and all over my stove!

a bunch of us were partying at alans* house,

and mae* passed out on the couch.

sometime in the middle of the night rod* "woke up",

walked over to the couch,

and peed on mae!

during last summer we were at alan's apartment quite a bit,

his roommates friend was always over.

he was pretty weird and nobody really liked him.

every night he slept on the same couch.

and every morning he woke up,

and had peed his pants!

he tried to say it was beer.

every morning,

all summer.

he either had a bladder problem,

or he fell asleep with a beer in pants,

every night.

ah! im surrounded by idiots.

*all names have been changed

mrs. officer.

we recently threw a huge party for James*, a friend of ours.

it was his birthday party,

and it ended up having 100+ people.

so of course,

the police showed up.

since there were minors in the house we didnt let them in.

massive amounts of alcohol makes the guys in my life stupid.

there was a woman officer standing outside of our backdoor.

and the birthday boy found it necessary to stand at the back door,

and sing, very loudly.

we all had to crack up when the words coming out of his mouth

were the lyrics to mrs officer by lil wayne.

in case you dont know the lyrics

here are a few.

"Doin a buck in the latest drop. I got stopped by a lady cop. She got me
thinking I can date a cop. Cause her uniform pants are so tight. She read me my
rights, She put me in the car, she cut off all the lights, She said I had the
right to remain silent. Now I got her hollering sounding like a siren."

it was definately my favorite drunk singing experience.

im surrounded by idiots.

*all names have been changed

age mix-up.

i had been drinking with Belia* and a few friends,

Alan* agreed to drive us home,

because there was no way in hell we could drive.

we took it upon ourselves to sing/scream at the top of our lungs,

because the voice of the intoxicated is a beautiful one,

at least to the person singing. : ]

we managed to distract him so much,

with our beautiful voices,

im sure,

that Alan was pulled over.

when asked why he was swerving he told the cop

that we had been singing at the top of our lungs,

and he was just trying to get us home safe.

the cop then asked Belia,

who was in the front seat,

how old she was.

she just sat there for about 90 seconds,

then finally said

"im sixteen."

now let me just tell you,

we were seventeen at the time.

so drunk&confused,

i sort of stumbled over my words,

and said "im seventeen."

it was like the lightbulb turned on,

Belia says, quite loudly,

"oh yeah! im seventeen too!"

the cop just gave Alan all his information back,

and said get these girls home safe.

maybe Belias stupidity was in our favor that time.
i am surrounded by idiots.

*all names have been changed


why is it that introductions become harder,
and more frequent the more the alcohol flows?
a good friend of mine, Belia*,
is a frequent offender of the re-introduction.
the more she drinks,
the more she walks up to you,
tells you her name,
and asks you yours.
it does not matter how many times you have told her,
or how many years you have known her,
she WILL ask.
at first we just thought this was an annoying habit,
and then we realized we were right.
as the liquid courage flows down her throat,
the intelligence flows right out on a temporary vacation.

i am sure that we have all experienced flubbed introductions.
but my friend Mae* outdid herself.
we were at a house party,
and we didn't know anyone besides the owner.
he told us to go introduce ourselves to people,
and as he did a girl walked into the room,
he said "like Kat, she is a cool girl."
so Mae turned to the girl,
made an awkward wave,
and said "hi, i'm Kat."
all of us,
including Kat,
just gave Mae a weird look.
Kat walked off,
and we all busted up laughing.
apparently when she drinks,
she forgets her name.

i am surrounded by idiots.

*all names have been changed.

welcome to my world.

welcome to my world.

it is full of idiots.

i love these idiots.

(well most of them.)

&i have a feeling after you hear some of their stories,

your going to love them too.

i watch the lives of my friends.

as well as my life.

&i cant help but think that sometimes,

they would make the perfect reality shows.

im sure you can tell what most of the stories are going to be about.

drunken "adventures"

or mis-adventures in most cases.

you know those stories your friends tell you?

and make you promise not to tell anyone?

because they would be just too damn embarrassing?

those are the ones i want to share with you.